Through the Wilderness

my journey

2010-11-25T14:32:00.007+08:00

At times the way is rough
And the darkness overwhelms

There must be some reason
for the crosses and the pain

The Lord is leading me
I know not where ...
... I continue to journey on.

.......................

Just found this lovely hymn ...

Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead thou me on;
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on;
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene: one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
Shouldst lead me on;
I loved to choose, and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on.
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years.

So long thy power hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on,
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone,
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost a while.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX8dt4mwUzI

2010-10-15T20:27:00.000+08:00

test

a silent God

2008-08-18T09:23:00.004+08:00

"Would that I had stronger Faith
Would that I remain ever close to You."

Padre spoke of you today
and how sometimes you are ...
a Silent God.
He spoke of our sufferings
and of us being chosen
to suffer with Christ
and that through your silence
you let us find ourselves in you.

I am not sure what my response will be
should Suffering come my way
and so, I pray ...
"that I have stronger Faith
and that I remain ever close to You."

It's been a while, Lord

2008-03-30T16:35:00.008+08:00

Dear Lord,

It's been a while since I last posted here. Guess you are aware of what's been plaguing me for a good half a year and more now. Yes, my legs! That's right.

My knees are trashed (and they have gotten worse since I fell and landed on both knees) ; I have a spur on my right heel (from July 2007) and it is causing me pain whenever I walk (despite having had 3 injections); my left ankle and foot is bruised and swollen (after I missed a step and tripped yesterday). I feel like a cripple and I do get depressed at times , especially when I cannot do the things that I used to be able to do. A simple chore like bathing the doggies is now a HUGE challenge. I can no longer kneel to pray and this is something I miss a lot. I tried doing that using a cushion but found that my knees would become swollen after that - so these days I no longer kneel. sigh! sigh!

Sometimes I get quite depressed. At other times, I look at the cross and tell myself that my suffering is nothing compared to our Lord's. I must admit that to do the latter is not easy. I pray for grace to grow old gracefully; to never lose faith especially when I encounter pain and suffering.

Be near me, Lord, and hold me close
let me feel your arms surround me
and in the warmth of your presence
help me to 'let things be'.

a comforting thought

2007-09-21T11:17:00.001+08:00

'God is only a whisper away'

21st Sunday Ordinary Times

2007-08-26T09:22:00.000+08:00

Book of Isaiah 66,18-21.

I come to gather nations of every language; they shall come and see my glory. I will set a sign among them; from them I will send fugitives to the nations: to Tarshish, Put and Lud, Mosoch, Tubal and Javan, to the distant coastlands that have never heard of my fame, or seen my glory; and they shall proclaim my glory among the nations. They shall bring all your brethren from all the nations as an offering to the LORD, on horses and in chariots, in carts, upon mules and dromedaries, to Jerusalem, my holy mountain, says the LORD, just as the Israelites bring their offering to the house of the LORD in clean vessels. Some of these I will take as priests and Levites, says the LORD.

a closer walk with you, Lord

2007-05-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

The EIP Project to the Children's Home yesterday went very well. Thank you, Lord.

The Lord replies : Do not let your hearts be troubled

2007-05-04T21:25:00.000+08:00

I posted a letter to God in my earlier entry a few hours ago. A minute ago, I received a reply from the Lord - in the Gospel reading for today. Talk about perfect timing!!!!

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be. Where (I) am going you know the way." Thomas said to him, "Master, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" Jesus said to him, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
(John 14,1-6.)

Letters to God: Sometimes I forget

2007-05-04T09:00:00.000+08:00

Abba, Father,

Of late there have been so many things on my mind. You know what they are. These thoughts, these misgivings I have about some people and also of myself - they bother and unsettle my mind causing a disquiet.

Another issue I have with myself is that we are fast approaching the climax of my 2-year walk with my 'kids'. Their confirmation is early next month. We will take them thru the EIP and the Camp before that. Sometimes I get so caught up in my efforts to make sure that everything is in place, I forget it is not about me or my success BUT that it is all about you; that all we do, we do in your name and to glorify you. Sometimes, I forget this. Please help me to keep my focus and be with us as the kids and I make this final part of of the journey together. I am worried. I pray for humilty in my dealings with others in the team.

Love,
me

Faith, Hope and Charity

2007-04-21T20:35:00.000+08:00

It has been an odd week for me. Work has been good. Yet there have been stuff at work/people that we have to say 'No' to. It is difficult sometimes to say 'No' . I have been remiss in my prayer life etc etc.

A moment ago, I decided to get back to my 3-minute Retreat. As I went thru the Retreat - and prayer - I heard the Lord say, "I have missed you." and I told Him, "I have missed you too." If you have the time, perhaps you might want to visit the website here. I hope it touches you as it did me.

God bless all.

He is risen!

2007-04-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

Indeed He is risen! Alleluia!

Today is Good Friday

2007-04-06T14:01:00.000+08:00

"TETELESTAI." (Jn 19:28)

“When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw everyone to myself”
(Jn 12,32)

I will fear no evil

2007-03-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

Taken from Psalm 23 ...

Yea, though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death...

I will fear no evil.

And God said

2007-03-17T08:07:00.000+08:00

Last April, I posted the entry below in Wishes and Dreams. I read it again today, felt touched and am re-posting it here:

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Passion Sunday - 'And God said'

Received 'And God said' in my email. Found it so meaningful especially for reflection for Lent. Decided to put it in my blog so I can share it with you as well as have it achived for myself.

I said, "God, I hurt."
And God said, "I know."

I said, "God, I cry a lot."
And God said, "That's why I gave you tears."

I said, "God, I am so depressed."
And God said, "That's why I gave you sunshine."

I said, "God, life is so hard."
And God said, "That's why I gave you loved ones."

I said, "God, my loved one died."
And God said, "So did mine."

I said, "God, It is such a loss."
And God said, "I saw mine nailed to a cross."

I said, "God, where are they now?"
And God said, "Mine is on my right and yours is in the light."

I said, "God it hurts."
And God said, "I know."

~ by K.C. and Myke Kuzmic~
Posted on the wall at the Oklahoma City bombing site.

spyder :: 4/09/2006 07:35:00 AM

the web of life

2007-03-16T09:18:00.000+08:00

"I exist in a web of relationships - links to nature, people, God.
I trace out these links, giving thanks for the life that flows through them.
Some links are twisted or broken: I may feel regret, anger, disappointment.
I pray for the gift of acceptance and forgiveness."

(from Sacred Space)

Being conscious of God

2007-03-10T09:18:00.000+08:00

Sacred Space is one of my favourite places.

Today's reflection:
"To be conscious about something is to be aware of it.
Dear Lord help me to remember that You gave me life.
Thank you for the gift of life.
Teach me to slow down, to be still and enjoy the pleasures created for me.
To be aware of the beauty that surrounds me.
The marvel of mountains, the calmness of lakes, the fragility of a flower petal.
I need to remember that all these things come from you."

dust to dust

2007-02-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, marking the start of Lent.

Today is Ash Wednesday.
People and things are transient.
My life too is transient.
God's love is eternal.

Today is Ash Wednesday.
God is merciful.
To find myself
I must lose myself in Him,
Be obedient to his will,
Be willing to take up my cross
and follow him.

Today is Ash Wednesday
I ask God for pardon.
Today is Ash Wednesday
I hear the Lord's call
"Come back to me with all your heart
Don't let fear keep us apart."
Today is Ash Wednesday
I continue my journey - home.

Today is Ash Wednesday
"Remember man that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return."

Gethsemane

2007-02-13T08:39:00.000+08:00

Wrote about my desert experience here, here and here. Talked about it to a very dear friend.

My friend wrote:
You know the "euphoria"? It's very easy to fall for the feeling of being with the Lord than being with the Lord... being with the Lord includes Gethsemane too. That's where it's toughest.

Thanks for putting me back on track, my dearest friend.
Indeed, I have to remind myself of the reality of my relationship with God - much like falling in love - the 'euphoria' is only momentary - perhaps sometimes even self-induced?; the plateaus - they stabilize the relationship; Gethsemane - that's the real part of loving coz that's when one actually carries the cross / the burden together with one's loved one. Ahhh but like you say - that's the toughest part. Still, if one stays faithful, as God is faithful (thru all the Gethsemanes) - then that love will shine thru for others to see?

You will not thirst

2007-02-12T08:45:00.000+08:00

Went to mass yesterday morning.Told God that about being in the desert and how far away I felt he was. When the mass ended, the words of the closing hymn hit me . It went something like this:

You shall be in the desert
But you will not thirst
You shall wander
But you will not be lost.
Be not afraid
I am with you.

Went home after mass and the very same evening I had some wonderful news! We are going to Lourdes again.
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Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Mark 8,11-13.
The Pharisees came forward and began to argue with him, seeking from him a sign from heaven to test him. He sighed from the depth of his spirit and said, "Why does this generation seek a sign? Amen, I say to you, no sign will be given to this generation." Then he left them, got into the boat again, and went off to the other shore.

The Commentary for today (Saint [Padre] Pio de Pietrelcina (1887-1968), Capuchin OP; GF 174; Ep 4,418 )“Why does this age seek a sign?” - Believing even in darkness The Holy Spirit tells us: Don’t let your mind succumb to temptation and sorrow, for joy of the heart is life for the soul. Sorrow is no good for anything and causes our spiritual death.

It happens sometimes that the darkness of trial overwhelms your soul’s heaven; but this darkness is light! Thanks to it, you believe even in darkness; the mind feels lost, it fears no longer being able to see, no longer understanding anything. But this is the moment when the Lord speaks and makes himself present to the soul; and the soul listens, understands and loves in the fear of God. So don’t wait for Tabor to “see” God when you are already contemplating him on Sinai.

Progress in the joy of a sincere heart that is wide open. And if it is impossible for you to keep that happiness, at least don’t lose courage and keep all your trust in God.

My walk in the desert continues.

2007-01-26T09:04:00.000+08:00

There is a dryness yet there is hope. It is not that I have lost God or that God has abandoned me. It is just that I miss the feeling of euphoria (not quite the correct word, but it'll do for now) that I felt upon my return from my pilgrimage. I am consciously aware that one cannot have that 'burning bush' experience all the time. I am also consciously aware that such an experience should not be the ONE goal of one's faith journey; that such an experience is granted by God and not 'found' by man. Still, I long for these 'high points' in my journey even though I know that I will traverse the high roads, the low roads, the flat plains and the deserts.

Today's readings gives me hope even as I walk the desert of my soul.

Trust in the LORD and do good that you may dwell in the land and live secure.
Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart's desire.
Commit your way to the LORD; trust that God will act
And make your integrity shine like the dawn, your vindication like noonday.
Those whose steps are guided by the LORD; whose way God approves,
May stumble, but they will never fall, for the LORD holds their hand.
The salvation of the just is from the LORD, their refuge in time of distress.
The LORD helps and rescues them, rescues and saves them from the wicked, because in God they take refuge.
Psalms 37,3-4.5-6.23-24.39-40.

The Lord's Covenant

2007-01-24T10:18:00.000+08:00

This is the covenant I will establish with them
after those days, says the Lord:
“I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them upon their minds,”
he also says:
Their sins and their evildoing
I will remember no more.
Heb 10:16-18

Jesus, Savour of my soul
This day make me whole.

still in the desert

2007-01-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

the desert is vast
just sand and more sand
the way is unclear
the going is slow
i struggle on

where are you , Lord?

2007-01-18T11:37:00.000+08:00

the desert can be cruel
the wells are dry
I thirst.
the seeker, the searcher, the finder
which am I?
where are you?
I am there yet not there
I have found yet I still seek
You are real yet I doubt
why, Lord, why?

switch to new blogger

2006-12-30T13:01:00.000+08:00

testing the switch over

Thrid week of Advent

2006-12-23T11:48:00.000+08:00

Today is Friday 22 Dec 2006, the third week of Advent.

I pray that ...
ike Mary, I will be obedient to His will,
like Mary, I will be ever humble and true,
like Mary, I will be patient and faithful,
like Mary, I will always glorify my Lord.

Treasures from my Pilgrimage: Mother Mary

2006-12-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

Cool Slideshows

Of idiots and such

2006-11-27T08:24:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

Sometimes it is so difficult to see you in the people that I have to deal with. How can I when there are such obnoxious people around?
... like the idiot who was rude to me beyond words
... like the backstabbing fork-tongued &%$#@ who did an 'Et-tu Brutus' on me
.... like the person who spoke so sweetly to me yet in the next second character slandered me to someone else
... like the dishonest person who stole from me ... and the list goes on.

I ain't no saint! I do not wish them well. I certainly do not wish hell on them - BUT I certainly do not wish them well. Actually, I could have throttled them - if only I could! Arggghhh!

BUT then, you know about all the above, no? Nonetheless, I am lodging all my grouses and complaints with your Complaints Department :P

Lord, I love you but you are a tough act to follow.

With love from,
me

will you not open your heart ...?

2006-11-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

Posted in Of Wishes and Dreams on Saturday, April 01, 2006

Will you not open your heart to know
What rainbows teach, and sunsets show?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

(4/01/2006 06:15:00 pm)

My Lord comes

2006-11-13T18:25:00.000+08:00

In the stillness of the morning,
My Lord comes
He comes to me.

My soul gives praise to the Lord.
My soul gives praise to the Lord.

I feel his presence,
I hear his voice.
My Lord speaks
He speaks to me.

My soul dances with the Lord.
My soul dances with the Lord.

You give me hope and comfort me.
You lift me up and strengthen me.
I can journey on for I know Lord,
that you walk with me.

My soul rejoices in the Lord.
My soul rejoices in the Lord.

©spyder

Treasures from my pilgrimage (5): Lourdes

2006-11-11T16:05:00.000+08:00

Hi Kids,

Here are some photos Daddy took of the candlelight procession at Lourdes.

Broken?

2006-11-11T13:27:00.000+08:00

He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Treasures from my pilgrimage (4) : Falling in love again

2006-11-07T11:55:00.000+08:00

My dearest children,

I continue to feel God's presence in my life. It is a feeling so gentle and soft - so lovely. I cannot describe it in words - I can only tell you that you WILL know when He graces you with this experience. I have fallen in love with my God - all over again!

I write today, a verse for my Lord to share it with you. I pray for you, my children, that you have this same gift from God.

My Lord, my Jesus, my Saviour,
I can feel my heart singing at the thought of you
So close, you're so close, I can feel your touch
Such is the wondrous gift - the gift of YOU
I am but a grain of sand - tiny and insignificant
But you make me feel so loved and so precious
You have given me wings and I can fly like the eagle
Yet, all I want now is to walk with you.

I love you all very very much. God loves you much much more.

mommie

How I long for all of you

2006-11-03T08:56:00.000+08:00

My children,

I woke up this morning thinking of you. When I read the Gospel readings for the day, I could not but marvel at the aptness of these words from Philippians - they are just what I want to say to you kids. So, here's what I want you to know and remember, always.

" For God is my witness, how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1,8-11

I love you all very much,
mommie

Treasures from my pilgrimage (4): Touches (1)

2006-11-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

Touches! Some time ago, I wrote about how we have the capacity to touch lives , to uplift spirits and to bring joy. This was so true of the pilgrimage. The gentle and caring people in our group touched our hearts and made the pilgrimage even more meaningful for me. One such person was Pat G.

From Pat, I learnt to keep my focus on things in life. Pat, you are quiet yet strong; you are one gutsy lady with an incredible positive attitude to life. I admire your great faith too. Pat, you helped to remind me to focus on of what's most important as I continue my earthy pilgrimage. You are an inspiration to me. These days, I am consciously letting go of things that used to ruffle me, that used to make me irritated and that used to make me snappy and crabby to people around me. Still, life can be very trying but I will try my darnest to be focussed on what truly matters.

Thank you, Pat for sharing that part of yourself with me. Thanks too for your concern over my hubby's health when he took ill. Thank you for calling us up after our return to enquire about his health.

Solemnity of all Saints

2006-11-01T09:27:00.000+08:00

Today we celebrate the Solemnity of all Saints.

Father, holy one,
we praise your glory reflected in the saints.
May we who share at this table
be filled with your love
and prepared for the joy of your kingdom,
where jesus is Lord for ever an ever.

John Paul II, Angelus (1 November 2002)

Treasures from my Pilgrimage (3): Letter to my children

2006-10-30T10:21:00.000+08:00

My darlings,

Being more conscious of God's presence in my life is yet another treasure I have been given. So many things (a couple of 'big' events, but most times, they are small but meaningful ones) have been happening since your dad and I returned from our pilgrimage.

Today, I want to tell you about what happened over the weekend.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a weekend of celebrations.

First, it was a celebration of my aunt's (your grand-aunt's) life. We had a simple but meaningful 2-day wake that culminated in a simple goodbye at the gravesite on Saturday morning.
Second, it was the celebration of the life of a friend's mother-in-law last night. I did not know Anne personally but I do know her DIL and her grandson. So, we attended the wake for her last night.

On both these occasions, there was much joy (though the sadness of parting was present) - there was a lot of singing and praises offered to God; thanksgiving for the gift of these wonderful people. Indeed, for a Christian, death is not to be feared. It is a time for celebration because we are called back to be with our Father in Heaven.

At the wake last night, we were reminded that the 'wake' is not so much meant for the person who has died but rather for the persons who have been left behind; that it is to remind us to be awake to God's calling; to live in the present; to love now and not wait till it is too late.

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So, kiddos, let us love one another NOW and let us build our legacy of memories - for that is what will keep us together always - though time and space may separate us. And when mama leaves this world - do not be sad. Let it be a day of celebration!

I love you all so very very much. God loves you much much more.

mommie

Thank you Blogger

2006-10-30T10:05:00.000+08:00

Looks like Blogger has fixed the publishing error 001 that we have been experiencing these past few days. Thanks, Blogger!

Treasures from my pilgrimage (2)

2006-10-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

I am unable to publish my posts. I am getting:

001 java.net.ConnectException: Connection
refused

Ok - am gonna try to Republish Index Only - see if it works.

Worked once and then no more :(

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A few things bother me and make me feel like a real hypocrite when I speak of my faith. Of these, the following stand out:

1. I am very scared of dying. By this I mean the way/process I have to undergo before I die. I should not be afraid but I am. I am so afraid of pain.

2. I look at some of the saints and I wonder why they had to suffer so much before they died. Then, I think to myself: It's not easy to be a saint. If one has to suffer like that, I don't think I have the courage to be a saint. Now, that might sound a tad presumptuous. I mean, really! The cheek of it all. How can a person like me even think I would be even be called to be a saint. Tsk! Tsk! But, wait a minute! Aren't all Christians called to sainthood? And has not God called many a lowly one to sainthood. So well, I would imagine that all those who live for God may and can be called to sainthood, yes? Guess what I mean to say is that I wish I had the courage of the saints when they suffered pain and death for Christ and I feel that I do not have what it takes to do what all of them have done.

SO, when I look at myself and when I review my fears, I tell myself that I am a person of little faith.

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The pilgrimage I went on made me think of the above over and over again.

A few things/thoughts have been coming into my mind after the pilgrimage.

1. Each time we go for mass and we partake of the body and blood of Christ, we become 'one with him'. Just as Christ suffered and offered up his sufferings to God for the salvation of the world, we can do the same with the sufferings we have to undergo. Still, I have to pray hard - consistently and persistently - for God's grace so that I can do this when my time comes. For alone, I can do nothing.

2. Mary, the chosen one by God, also had to suffer so much. When I look to Mary, I see how she took on all that suffering without complaining. She was so totally obedient to God's will and she had such great faith in God - that he would deliver her from all things - and all pain. So, as I reflect on the stations of the cross and walk with Mary and Christ up Calvary, I will pray that God grants me the grace to have that faith which Mother Mary and Christ had; that I may have the strength to carry on the good fight till I breathe my last breath.

3. Visiting the shrines of the Saints. At first I thought nothing much of these visits. Yes, I regarded them as holy places and had respect for those who had died in the service of God. But, I felt nothing much personally. I was an onlooker, an observer, not a participant. However, upon my return home, I am beginning to see how these visits now serve as an encouragement to me - reminding me that all is possible with God's grace; that we are human but if we listen and obey God, we will be blessed; that though our path here on earth may be fraught with hardship and sufferings, He will carry us through it all. As I reflect on these things, I no longer feel like I am just the observer or onlooker that I was - I am now a co-participant with them in God's plan. I say this in all humility. I feel as if the Lord is telling me,"Look. I have sent you to see what can be done. Let me show you what is possible when you let me totally into your life. My grace will be enough for you. Look. See. Believe. Do not be afraid."

Treasures from my pilgrimage (1)

2006-10-29T11:31:00.000+08:00

It has been close to a week since our return from our pilgrimage. This was a journey that was planned to enable us to walk in the footsteps of St Ignatius of Loyola.

We journeyed to many places such a Avila, Saragosa, Loyola, Lourdes, Montserrat, Rome, Assisi and Orvieto. We visited, prayed and had masses at many churches, bassilicas and cathedrals. It was truly an experience I will never forget.

Now that I am back, I cannot remember all the names of the places or people or dates of events that I came across along the way. I have not brought back much in terms of material things for I hardly shopped. Instead, what I have brought back are images, touches and feelings. So, these are the treasures that I want to tell you about.

My experience in Lourdes stands out as one of the most precious treasures God gave me on this pilgrimage. At Lourdes, I got a glimpse of Heaven and I stood in awe at the wonder and beauty of God's love. At Lourdes, I fell at God's feet and felt his healing touch; at Lourdes, I came away refreshed like the lady at the well. At Lourdes, I felt so complete and so safe. My devotion to our Lady has deepened and I have begun to appreciate even more her role in bringing us back to God. I now have an increased desire to pray the rosary because it makes me feel so close to Christ even as I feel so close to Mary, my mother. I want to be like Mary, my mother, and I pray that I can be like her in being obedient to God's will. I pray that I can be obedient to God's will as she had been. I look to her as my role model - so that what I do will be pleasing in God's sight.

Life in death

2006-10-26T17:11:00.000+08:00

My aunt passed away this morning at 4am. Today's post is dedicated to her. She was a wonderful, kind and loving person. She was special.
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As night closes in
and life as we know it
comes to an end,
time is no longer time.
The soul separates itself
from its corporeal form
and breaks forth into His Light,
to behold the Lamb of God
in the company of the angels and the saints.

"Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be,
world without end. Amen."

"Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord.
And let Thy perpetual light shine upon her.
May she rest in peace. Amen."

Interview with God

2006-09-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

Surfed the net and found a treasure (see below). The video presentation of the Interview should not be missed - so do visit the link and be touched.

THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.

“If you have the time” I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity.”
“What questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God answered...
“That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.”

"That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked...
“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.”

“To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.”

“To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.

"Is there anything else
you would like your children to know?"

God smiled and said,
“Just know that I am here... always.”

-author unknown

My grace is sufficient for you

2006-09-19T10:41:00.000+08:00

In a world fraught with violence and hate, people like Sister Leonella show us how to love. Like Christ she lived; like Christ she died. She has left this mortal world that she served so selflessly. Like the saints and matyrs who went before her - she now lives with Christ in glory.

He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Why, Lord? Why?

2006-09-18T09:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord,

My heart is troubled. I read in the news to day about the killing of a nun in Somalia and the furore in the Muslim world over what the Pope quoted in his speech.

I am confused and speechless. Questions are whirling like crazy through my mind.

Why, Lord? Why?

From,
a very confused and troubled me

To die is to live?

2006-09-17T13:24:00.000+08:00

Thoughts after mass and personal reflection on today's homily:

To die is to live - that's so difficult to do, isn't it? I mean, the dying to oneself bit is something I find hard to do already, what about physical death? I must confess I am scared of death - the thought of dying scares me to death (pun intended). So, this makes me a lousy Christian. A true Christian should not be/is not afraid of death. Gotta to pray for stronger faith,
EGO= Edging God Out. Loved this - so easy to remember. Must take note and remind myself of this . Must look out for signs when EGO rears its ugly head. Actually. EGO attempted takeover evident in my life these last few days. Not good. Not good. Gotta get back my focus on my priorities in life.
When Christ asks,"And you, who do you say I am?" How would I answer?

Consoling thought:
God understands :) and I take heart in remembering that when I am at my weakest, He is at His strongest.
With that assurance I, the pilgrim, continue to walk this journey of life.

God is the Finder of me

2006-09-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

God is the Finder
Ever actively reaching out to me
All I have to do is be open to Him
And I, I will find the Finder of me

When I am still
He comes to me
I hear his steps
I listen for his voice.
When I open my heart
And heed his call
He comes to me
Yes, He comes to me.

It is He who finds me
By his grace my eyes are opened
By His grace I can see.

I feel His touch and I am healed
I feel His presence and I feel His love
I am blessed.

In the desert of my soul
My Lord reaches out to me
In the desert of my soul
My Lord has found me.

My Lord will never forsake me

2006-09-10T13:02:00.000+08:00

"Have courage."
"Do not be afraid."
"I am with you always, even to the end of the world.." (Matthew28:20)

Today,
I saw Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane.
I saw Christ carrying the cross to Calvary.
I saw Christ nailed to the cross on Calvary
I thanked Him for giving up his life for me.

Today,
I thought of all the saints who have gone ahead of me.
I recalled the times my Lord came through for me.
I am reassured that my Lord will never forsake me.

a timely reminder to myself

2006-09-07T09:45:00.000+08:00

"Be still and know that I am God."

Ever so often, in the rush to meet deadlines and to make sure all my plans are working out, God has had little or no place in this my world and my life. I need to take a step back and s - l - o - w down. I need to give some time back to God. It is very very difficult to be 'still' but I shall try. The third week of Lent is almost over. I will retreat into the desert of my soul and in this desert I will find my Lord.
spyder :: 3/23/2006 09:57:00 PM

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I penned the above in March of this year. Yes Lord, I know but sometimes I forget. sigh!

It's over ....

2006-09-06T10:29:00.000+08:00

It's over. Am gonna put it behind m e and am moving on.

Thank you for caring.

It's ok. Take it if you like it. However ...

2006-09-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

I bitched about a poem of mine being stolen in this post and in my main blog .

I was annoyed, angry, horrified, mortified etc. for reasons that I had enumerated in that last post of mine.

Still, despite all the above, these last few days, I have thought about the post I had written and below are my latest thoughts on the issue.

Yes, … rest of post deleted ...

Update : 9 Sept :

I have also decided to delete the rest of the post from this blog.

My request to anyone who wants to use any of my 'work' - please acknowledge the source and also do let me know when you take stuff off my blog - ok?

PLAGIARISM IS THEFT. WHOLESALE COPYING IS GRAND THEFT!!!

2006-09-03T15:27:00.000+08:00

Update: 9 September

I have decided to delete the post.
As with all rants, it sounded angry and nasty.
The rant is over – so I am removing the post from this blog.
I have edited a similar post in my main blog and am retaining the said post there.

Yay!!!

2006-09-01T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yay! Got my main blog access back.
Ten things I learnt when I could not access 'Of Wishes and Dreams'.
Hope the problem has been fixed for good :)

the compromise one cannot make

2006-08-31T17:25:00.000+08:00

I read The compromise one cannot make in the NST online today.

Sir, I salute you.
I salute your commitment to justice
I salute your love for our nation.
I salute you for your courage.

HELP!

2006-08-31T15:31:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

'Of Wishes and Dreams' (my main blog) cannot be accessed for the moment.

Each time I click in the above url link I get this message:
"We're sorry, but we were unable to complete your request."

I have gone into Bloggers Help to look for a solution and also emailed Blogger etc .. but so far - the problem remains.

spyder <------ who is very upset at the moment :(

UPDATE : OF WISHES AND DREAMS is up and running again! yay!

Pray not for Arab or Jew ...

2006-08-29T23:38:00.000+08:00

'Pray not for Arab or Jew, for Palestinian or Israeli,
But pray rather for ourselves,
that we may not divide them in our prayers
Rather keep them both together in our hearts.'

For my children

2006-08-26T09:28:00.000+08:00

I wish you Jesus
to soothe your pain away.
I wish you Jesus
to brighten up your days.
I wish you Jesus
to help you find your way.

I wish you Hope
when you feel broken with despair.
I wish you Charity
in your dealings with this selfish world.
I wish you Love
when you are hurting and in pain.
I wish you Wisdom
when you walk life's arduous road.
I wish you Joy
to light up all your days.
I wish you Faith
to keep you on your way.

I wish you Jesus
for he has seen me through the storms.
I wish you Jesus
for he will always be your companion and friend.

written on 2nd July 2006

2006-08-25T18:08:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be alright

oftimes i am tossed
like a ragged doll
in the storms
of life.
bewildered, frustrated, desperate
i lash out at God.
in the midst of the turmoil
i hear Him say,
"Be still and know that I am God."
at times i think it means
"Be quiet. Shut up and listen to me."
at other times
"Shut up and stop complaining. Listen!"
but most times it means
" I am here. It's gonna be alright."

and God replies

2006-08-24T09:46:00.000+08:00

My Child,

I hear you. I always do. Sometimes I choose to remain silent. You see, when I created you, I gave you a brain, amongst other gifts. I also gave you a heart. You need to use these to navigate your way as you journey home to me. You need to grow in wisdom and in love.

No doubt, you know that it is by My grace that you have been saved and that is true. But I have also given you and mankind a very precious gift - the gift of FREE CHOICE. So, as you journey, you need to be able to make the right choices. You need your brain, your heart and My grace to do that. So, sometimes I sit back and wait - and watch - to teach you. As you open your heart to my promptings and use the mind that I have given you - you will grow in wisdom and in love. Am I making any sense to you? Ahhh you will ...in time.

These last few weeks and months - I have heard your cries.

When you could walk calmly away and not feel that all was lost,
- that was Me taking you by the hand and guiding you;
when you could tell yourself that 'It's ok. There will be another way.'
- that was Me comforting and reassuring you;
when you had true friends rallying around you,
- that was Me embracing you in My love.

I know you are bitter and angry - and that's ok. But you have to forgive and move on - for your journey is a special one - one that will lead you back to Me - so stay the course and all will be well. Trust me! Know that I love you - warts and all!

Father God

in good times and in bad

2006-08-23T21:36:00.000+08:00

In good times,
it is so easy to stay the course
it is so easy to thank God.
In good times,
it is so easy to tell God I love Him and to praise Him.
May I continue to thank and praise Him in times of sorrow and grief.

Letters to God - No. 2

2006-08-21T18:02:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

Are you listening? Are you really here? You know, sometimes I do wonder.

After I wrote you this morning, I smiled to myself and said to myself , Someone out there reading this letter would think

I am nuts
I am just talking to myself
I am just talking nonsense
I have nothing better to blog about

Anyway, be that as it may, here I am writing to you again. Afterall, I have been talking to you all my life - just have not been putting it on paper, that's all.

So, lest the last letter I wrote to you gave readers the impression that once I talked to you, you did a 'miracle cure' on me - well, it did not quite happen. Yes, the head is a bit better. Yes, the body did not hurt as much as the last few days. BUT No, the pain is not totally gone. I have OA, and this means I live with pain every day of my life - sometimes it's not that bad- it's bearable; at other times, the pain can be rather bad - that's when I need to take my meds. This means that every day when I wake up, I have some form of pain - to a greater or lesser degree depending on the day. That's why I am crabby in the mornings.

Lord, you do have a great sense of humour. I know - this you have demonstrated in more ways than I can recall. Perhaps I shall write about some of these occasions in my letters - just so I can 'recall' all this when I have well and truly lost my memory. Actually, I am losing my memory rather frequently these days. Ahhh ...but you know that too, right?

Have to go now. Gotta go to church this evening. So have to get something to eat before that. You are coming along with me - as you go everywhere with me - right?

Much love,
me

P.S. My tummy feels unwell too. Do you think you can do something about that? Thanks

Letters to God - No. 1

2006-08-21T10:16:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

It has been a hectic week. I know I complain a lot about the amount of work I have. But that's just me - the eternal complainer. I do get fed-up listening to myself whine sometimes. I am sure it gets annoying to others around me who have to listen to me too. But you Lord, you made me like that, no? You know that I complain a lot but that deep inside me, I love what I do and I am grateful that I have my work. The thing is - some people wonder how it is that I can be so stressed out over something that I like doing. Beats me too!

The week has also been quite lousy as I had that beastly cold - it was not half as nasty as the last bout of flu I had, though - so thanks :) . What was really bad was I had awful pains all over my body all week. You know, the pain got so severe that I threw caution to the wind and downed those painkiller, right? Well, they killed the pain temporarily but they also killed my tummy in the process. Gastic pains can be quite quite horrible. So I had to rush off to the chemist to get meds for the tummy. I called you and said I hope I did not have to go see the docs. Well, thanks again for the tummy pains got better soon after that. But I learnt my lesson - I have to remember to take my antiacids with those painkillers.

The body aches continued - my bones felt like they had been crushed under a tractor - and my head was pounding like crazy. There did not seem to be any letting up - and since I had had that terrible experience with the pain killers - I refrained from dosing myself again with them - hence had to bear with the pain.

Then, yesterday
at mass, I told you all the above.
at mass, I asked you to make the pain go away
at mass, I felt my pain was nothing compared to what you bore for me
at mass, I remembered that you gave your life for me
at mass, I thought of all the pain you bore for me
at mass, I asked for the grace to bear it all
at mass, I offered up my pain to you
at mass, I asked you to touch me and come into my life
at mass, I felt you so close to me.

When I went to bed
last night, my body and head continued to hurt.
last night, I remembered my encounter with you at mass.
last night, I ceased to complain about the pain
last night, my body ached but my heart was at peace
last night, I went to bed without taking any pills.

When I awoke
this morning, I saw my husband beside me
this morning, I thanked you, God, for the gift of him
this morning, I told good hubby how much I love him
this morning, I did not get up in a crabby mood
this morning, I remembered to thank you, Lord, for my life
this morning, my body aches have somehow disappeared.
this morning, my head feels light and I can think clearly.
this morning, I want to thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Lord!

With much love,
me

Do you love me enough?

2006-08-17T09:48:00.000+08:00

Have I asked you today,
Do you love me?
Have you heard me call your name?
Well, I'm asking you now,
Do you love me?
And I'll ask you again and again.

Do you love me enough to take up you cross
and follow where I lead?
Will you tend my lambs and feed my sheep?
And die for such as these?

The above lines from one of my favourite hymns challenge me to take up my cross and follow Christ. The harvest is plenty but the labourers are few. There is much work to be done. Lord, grant me the strength to do Your will.

Because He Lives

2006-08-14T15:10:00.000+08:00

"Because He lives
I can face tomorrow
Because He lives
All fear is gone
And because I know, I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because He lives."

My God and I

2006-08-13T20:39:00.000+08:00

lnto

my life
You

came
denied You; yes, I did
joy short-lived, lost in days of confusion
agony and mental anguish
till

I let

You

into
my heart
once again

We do not own God.

2006-08-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

"All human beings powerfully sustain one another. The lovers of God in this contingent world becomes the mercies and the blessings sent out by that gentle King of the seen and unseen realms. Let them purify their sight and behold all humankind as leaves and blossoms and fruits of the Tree of Being."

Baha"Ullah (1817-1892) Persia

If only we can see ourselves as 'leaves and blossoms, and fruits of the Tree of Being'. Unfortunately, many of us are parasites and predators. Instead of 'powerfully sustaining one another', we are destroying and killing one another. Sad, isn't it?

In the name of religion, we maim and we kill. We claim to be 'holy people' and we behave as if we have a monopoly on God. Yet, the truth is we do not own God. He created us and we are but His people; He owns us. Would that we, the peoples of the earth, all be humbled by this realisation and not let our egos deceive us into thinking that we own Him or even worse, that we can take HIS place and thus play God.

(art: Picasso's 'Guernica')
http://www.pbs.org/treasuresoftheworld/a_nav/guernica_nav/main_guerfrm.html

Faith

2006-08-13T07:53:00.000+08:00

'Faith is a dark night for man, but in this very way it gives him light.'
'Like a blind man he must lean on dark faith, accept it for his guide and light, and rest on nothing of what he understands, tastes, feels, or imagines.'
St. John of the Cross on the Journey of the Soul to God by Contemplation

"Christian mysticism is an experience of God's loving presence in the depths of our hearts ... "

(The beautiful photo above was taken by dear hubby on one of our trips away from home. He had waited patiently for just the right moment to capture it with his camera. Indeed God has blessed him with much talent and ... patience! Photo@andrew)

One God

2006-08-12T22:51:00.000+08:00

As the rain dropping from the sky
wends its way toward the oceans,
So the prostrations offered in all faiths
reach the One God, who is supreme.
From the Rig Veda (c.1500 - c.1000BCE), India

When I chanced upon this verse I was struck immediately by its beauty. If only all man could appreciate that God is the God of ALL and not exclusive to some; if only we could accept that the different forms of religious worship are ALL God-centred; if only we recognized that all men of goodwill have much love for the Almighty and they worship Him in a variety of forms; if only we judged less and respected one another's beliefs more - then perhaps we would have a better chance of attaining peace on earth.Too much blood has been shed through the ages in the name of religion.

reflections of a pilgrim

2006-08-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

Sunday, December 04, 2005

We are pilgrims on life's journey. This, I know but this I often forget.

I went on a short pilgrimage this weekend. The destination was an old city (of historical and religious significance) which was just a few hours away by road. This short pilgrimage over the weekend set me thinking again that hubby and I should go to Lourdes or the Holy Land soon.

Why did I go on this pilgrimage? Below are some reasons (not in order of priority)
1. Initially, it was as a show of support for those who were organizing the event.
2. To satisfy my curiosity as to what the whole event was about.
3. Thought it would be nice to be in the company of some church friends for the weekend
4. To get away from my hectic work schedule and find some time for God

Being with God and looking for God was not the main reason why I went on the pilgrimage.

My experience.
1. On the first day, the first afternoon, to be precise, when we had to go to the specified places to meditate and to pray, I must say that I was not too taken up with the idea of a pilgrimage. Things were slow-paced and I was not used to the quiet and 'nothing to drive myself to' sort of tempo. In fact, when a friend remarked, 'I don't think I'm very much a pilgrimage kind of person' , I nodded in agreement and said. 'Me neither.' And I began to think that perhaps I should shelf forever any thoughts I had of going to the Holy Land.
As the day went on, I began to notice a change in my disposition and I think I was more patient and calm than I had been in weeks. I did not notice it much then, but I do now.

2. The second day was a good day. I can see much goodness in all people.
I am reminded that I have many more miles to go and that I have to look to God for graces to continue on my way.

3. I have to set aside more quiet time for God.

4. I need to remember that all that I do, should be for the Greater Glory of God.

I know now that while I did not go on the pilgrimage primarily just to look for God, HE was present with me all through my 'journey' and HE has blessed me with the experience.

The Rainbow

2006-08-12T22:42:00.000+08:00

Looking out the window
A rainbow caught my eye
It had a certain special glow
As it spanned across the sky.

A rainbow caught my eye
It spoke to me of God's blessings .
As it spanned across the sky
I gazed at the wondrous sight.

It spoke to me of God's blessings
The beauty of His creation revealed.
I gazed at the wondrous sight
Till the clouds, the rainbow they concealed.

The rainbow that I saw that day
It had a certain special glow .
I felt God's presence that day
Looking out the window.

in my quiet moments ..

2006-08-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

In my quiet moments I think of you.
I see you in the people who love me.
I see you in the morning light that greets me.
I feel you in gentle breeze that brushes softly against me.
I know you are near and that you watch over me.
In my quiet moments, you speak to me.

I am thankful

2006-08-12T17:50:00.000+08:00

Yet another day has come to a close.
I am thankful for
my family and my home
friends I can count on
my job
my life
and most of all
my faith.
I have truly been blessed!

God's Majesty

2006-08-12T17:24:00.000+08:00

As I set my gaze upon the mountains high,
I can sense God's majesty and might.
The beauty and splendour of His creation, I see.
I feel the steadfastness of his love for me.

God’s Majesty

I'd like to think I am ...

2006-07-10T19:24:00.000+08:00

I'd like to think that I am humble
but I can be so proud.
I'd like to think that I am caring
but I can be so indifferent.
I'd like to think that I am generous
but I can be so selfish.
I'd like to think I am open-minded
but I can be a real bigot.
I'd like to think I am easy to get along with
but I can be a real pain in the ....
I believe that all that I have is but from God
but oftimesI forget this and my EGO takes control!

****************************************
Lord ...let me not lose hope when Failure comes
help me keep an even keel on things
be with me when things get rough
help me through the storms.
And ...when I have survived the tumultous seas
when in the midst of the cheering crowd
lost in the drunkeness of success
keep me mindful of the storms
let me not forget that ...it was YOU who brought me through.

(Sept 13 2005)

all my bags are packed

2006-07-10T18:40:00.000+08:00

This blog will be a collection of my writings on my relationship with God and my journey through my own wilderness that I call 'life' .