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Sunday, October 29, 2006

I am unable to publish my posts. I am getting:

001 java.net.ConnectException: Connection
refused

Ok - am gonna try to Republish Index Only - see if it works.

Worked once and then no more :(

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A few things bother me and make me feel like a real hypocrite when I speak of my faith. Of these, the following stand out:

1. I am very scared of dying. By this I mean the way/process I have to undergo before I die. I should not be afraid but I am. I am so afraid of pain.

2. I look at some of the saints and I wonder why they had to suffer so much before they died. Then, I think to myself: It's not easy to be a saint. If one has to suffer like that, I don't think I have the courage to be a saint. Now, that might sound a tad presumptuous. I mean, really! The cheek of it all. How can a person like me even think I would be even be called to be a saint. Tsk! Tsk! But, wait a minute! Aren't all Christians called to sainthood? And has not God called many a lowly one to sainthood. So well, I would imagine that all those who live for God may and can be called to sainthood, yes? Guess what I mean to say is that I wish I had the courage of the saints when they suffered pain and death for Christ and I feel that I do not have what it takes to do what all of them have done.

SO, when I look at myself and when I review my fears, I tell myself that I am a person of little faith.

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The pilgrimage I went on made me think of the above over and over again.

A few things/thoughts have been coming into my mind after the pilgrimage.

1. Each time we go for mass and we partake of the body and blood of Christ, we become 'one with him'. Just as Christ suffered and offered up his sufferings to God for the salvation of the world, we can do the same with the sufferings we have to undergo. Still, I have to pray hard - consistently and persistently - for God's grace so that I can do this when my time comes. For alone, I can do nothing.

2. Mary, the chosen one by God, also had to suffer so much. When I look to Mary, I see how she took on all that suffering without complaining. She was so totally obedient to God's will and she had such great faith in God - that he would deliver her from all things - and all pain. So, as I reflect on the stations of the cross and walk with Mary and Christ up Calvary, I will pray that God grants me the grace to have that faith which Mother Mary and Christ had; that I may have the strength to carry on the good fight till I breathe my last breath.

3. Visiting the shrines of the Saints. At first I thought nothing much of these visits. Yes, I regarded them as holy places and had respect for those who had died in the service of God. But, I felt nothing much personally. I was an onlooker, an observer, not a participant. However, upon my return home, I am beginning to see how these visits now serve as an encouragement to me - reminding me that all is possible with God's grace; that we are human but if we listen and obey God, we will be blessed; that though our path here on earth may be fraught with hardship and sufferings, He will carry us through it all. As I reflect on these things, I no longer feel like I am just the observer or onlooker that I was - I am now a co-participant with them in God's plan. I say this in all humility. I feel as if the Lord is telling me,"Look. I have sent you to see what can be done. Let me show you what is possible when you let me totally into your life. My grace will be enough for you. Look. See. Believe. Do not be afraid."

Posted by spyder :: 10:16 PM :: 0 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Treasures from my pilgrimage (1)

It has been close to a week since our return from our pilgrimage. This was a journey that was planned to enable us to walk in the footsteps of St Ignatius of Loyola.

We journeyed to many places such a Avila, Saragosa, Loyola, Lourdes, Montserrat, Rome, Assisi and Orvieto. We visited, prayed and had masses at many churches, bassilicas and cathedrals. It was truly an experience I will never forget.

Now that I am back, I cannot remember all the names of the places or people or dates of events that I came across along the way. I have not brought back much in terms of material things for I hardly shopped. Instead, what I have brought back are images, touches and feelings. So, these are the treasures that I want to tell you about.

My experience in Lourdes stands out as one of the most precious treasures God gave me on this pilgrimage. At Lourdes, I got a glimpse of Heaven and I stood in awe at the wonder and beauty of God's love. At Lourdes, I fell at God's feet and felt his healing touch; at Lourdes, I came away refreshed like the lady at the well. At Lourdes, I felt so complete and so safe. My devotion to our Lady has deepened and I have begun to appreciate even more her role in bringing us back to God. I now have an increased desire to pray the rosary because it makes me feel so close to Christ even as I feel so close to Mary, my mother. I want to be like Mary, my mother, and I pray that I can be like her in being obedient to God's will. I pray that I can be obedient to God's will as she had been. I look to her as my role model - so that what I do will be pleasing in God's sight.

Posted by spyder :: 11:31 AM :: 0 comments

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---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Life in death

My aunt passed away this morning at 4am. Today's post is dedicated to her. She was a wonderful, kind and loving person. She was special.
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As night closes in
and life as we know it
comes to an end,
time is no longer time.
The soul separates itself
from its corporeal form
and breaks forth into His Light,
to behold the Lamb of God
in the company of the angels and the saints.

"Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now, and ever shall be,
world without end. Amen."

"Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord.
And let Thy perpetual light shine upon her.
May she rest in peace. Amen."

Posted by spyder :: 5:11 PM :: 0 comments

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